Eleven years have passed since my near death experience. There have been so many ups and downs, so many mountain moments and deserts. There have been many times when God stood right in front of me and I could see Him so clearly and other times when He was so far away that I felt like a hollow bone and my longing for Him was so deep. I would search and search but could not find Him no matter where I looked. But again, I said “yes” and I kept searching. During this period of searching for God, He was constantly reminding me of His love. He also reminded me of the conversation we had had while I was in Heaven so many years ago. Part of the conversation was as follows, “God, You made these people, You are in these people, so when I see these people, I see You.” God smiled and said “ yes that’s right. ” God was teaching me that He was not only in me but He was also in others. Because I had said “yes,” God was teaching me to seek Him in the face and hearts of others and by doing acts of love for others, I am also serving God.

It is easy to say “yes” when you are on the mountain top. It is during these times I can feel God’s presence and His love and it leaves me with a feeling of bliss and spiritual delight.

But, it is during the desert times, my dark nights of the soul, that I am aware that God has stripped away everything, even my being in Heaven with Him. When I returned to my body after my near death experience, it felt as though God had carried me for quite a while, but after several months, even that, He had taken away. I was completely humbled and laying flat on my face. And yet, even though I had absolutely nothing left and I felt so alone, I still said “yes.” I loved God and even though I still searched and searched for Him, I believed with all my heart, He was still with me. He was there even though; I couldn’t feel Him at all. There were no more words of love, no spiritual gifts, and no more mountain top moments, to carry me through. But I loved Him anyway. I knew in my heart, God would never leave. I clung to the memories and they helped me get through those times. The memories were of how good God had been in my life and in other’s lives. And then I went about my life living my “yes” and trusting God.

Now, it is through others that I will find Him and in truth, God has never left me. I know this and hold on to this. One day another mountain top will come and more dark moments too. They say, it is in the valley that we grow. So, I will continue to walk my path in love with Him, living my “yes” and praising Him.

Sharon Milliman
A Song In The Wind,A Near Death Experience

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