Waiting

In our lives, it seems that we human beings are constantly waiting; when we are children, we want to grow up, when we are adults we are continually striving for fulfillment and success and as we age , we look forward to retirement and the rest we so richly deserve.
We all have our expectations and if those expectations aren’t met our present moment seems empty and every moment that passes, appears extremely long and the waiting becomes a heavy burden because our future remains uncertain and unclear.
However, if our expectations are met, then every moment that passes, appears full of joy and seems worthwhile.
What would happen if we stopped the waiting and started living now, in the present moment with all its richness and beauty, with all its wonder, with all its challenges and lessons? What if we met each moment without expectation? What would happen if we just let go and surrendered ourselves to the loving will of God?
Since having my experiences, I often remember that feeling of the complete surrender to the loving will of God. It was the most freeing, most magnificent feeling I’ve ever experienced. I knew that God held me in the palm of His hand and that I was safe. I knew that He would not let me fall and that He was loving me every single moment.
The first time I stared death in the eyes, was at the tender age of thirteen. I faced the inherent built-in survival that everyone faces. At first, I fought hard in order to live, but there came a time when my soul knew it was time to go and my struggle ceased. I let go and surrendered all that I was to God’s loving grace. Over the years it happened again and again. I had no warning. Death came to my life swiftly, four times. There was no waiting for it, there were no plans made for it. Death came like a thief in the night. One minute I was alive and well, the next minute, I was facing the great unknown.
There was no last meal or last minute goodbyes. What was, was.
I have learned that every instant of every day is precious. There is no more wishing my life away or waiting for this moment or that moment, thinking that those moments will be better or more blessed than the present moment. I realize that all I have is right now, this present moment and this moment is a beautiful gift.
Sharon Milliman (c) 2018

Conversation with God

Me: Okay, God, here’s the thing. I’m scared. I’m trying not to be, but I am.
God: I know. Want to talk about it?
Me: Do we need to? I mean, you already know.
God: Let’s talk about it anyway… We’ve done this before.
God: *waiting patiently, unhurried, undistracted, never annoyed.
Me: Okay. So, I’m afraid I’ll do everything I can to protect my family and it won’t be enough. I’m afraid of someone I love dying. I’m afraid the world won’t go back to what it was before. I’m afraid my life is always going to feel a little bit unsettled.
God: Anything else?
Me: EVERYTHING ELSE.
God: do you remember when your daughters were young and one of them would wake up during the night and would come running down the hall to your bedroom?
Me: Yes.
God: You were still awake, so when you heard her running, you started calling out to her before she even got to you… remember? Do you remember what you called out to her ?
Me: I said, “You’re okay! You’re okay! You’re okay! I’m here.”
God: Why did you call to her? Why didn’t you just wait for her to get to your room?
Me: Because I wanted her to know that I was awake, and I heard her,and she didn’t have to be afraid until she reached the end of the dark hallway.
God: Exactly. I hear you, my child. I hear your thoughts racing like feet down the dark hallway. There’s another side to all of this. I’m there already. I’ve seen the end of it. And I want you to know right here as you walk through it all, you’re okay. I haven’t gone to sleep, and I won’t.
Me: *crying. Can we sit together awhile? Can we just sit here a minute before I go back to facing it all?
God: There’s nothing I’d love more.

Learning From The Past

When people do not learn from the past, they are destined to repeat the same mistakes. God is the Creator of the universe and all life flows from Him. He is Love and perfect love emanates from Him. All that He created is right and good and all things are connected to God and exist in harmony with Him. When we as human beings step out of His order of doing things, when we act out of selfishness instead of love, harmony ceases to exist, and then chaos and destruction ensue throughout the world, then we are to blame, not God. God wants us to depend on Him as the ultimate source for our life and existence. Because of His great love for us, God gives every one of us the gift of free-will. God is a gentleman, He will not force, nor will He step in to stop us from making foolish choices. He leaves it up to us to either choose to follow His direction or choose to follow our worldly, selfish ways.
The opposite of love is not hate, it is selfishness and hatred is born out of selfishness. We choose. We decide and We can recreate. The horror that is happening in our world today does not need to happen. There is too much at stake. We as a human race must come together, all of us and learn from the past so as not to repeat the same horrific mistakes over and over. We need to celebrate the things we have in common and learn from each other those things that are different. We will never make it if things do not change. We are divided as a people based on ,race ,creed, political views, and most ridiculously, skin color. God created every single one of us in His image and likeness. He does not divide us, We have done that. I was raised in a way that exemplifies unity. There are many different colors in a rainbow but it is still ONE rainbow. A rainbow is a message of hope. We still have hope. I do not see color, religion, tradition as a means to separate or as means of division. I see people. I see souls. ALL beautiful and ALL one , like a rainbow. ALL people matter. We can change the way things are going, we have a choice but with every choice there are consequences; good choices bring good consequences whereas bad choices bring bad consequences. We are human beings and we all belong to one race, the human race. It’s time to heal the past by honoring each other, by forgiving each other for the horrible experiences some human beings have inflicted upon others in their selfishness thereby taking away another’s God given gift of free will. No one person is better than any other person. We are all in this together, as a people, as the human race, to fix this mess we created and are living in right here, right now. It takes Love, it takes courage, it takes forgiveness, it takes respect, it takes being humble and honoring each other. We are at a precipice. We have a choice.
We cannot live in the past, no matter what horror existed,we must take responsibility, seek forgiveness and heal.

A Song In The Wind

dove free public domain photo

In response to a friend’s request here is a chapter in my up coming book A Song In The Wind , A Near Death Experience

Chapter 12
A Song in the Wind

The Enchantment
By Sharon Milliman

As the wind blows the clouds across the skies, I look to the Heavens and see the brightly flickering lights which dot the velvet blackness. I see the silver moon beams dancing around me and I feel true joyfulness with an open heart. I feel the new beginnings of love and by loves transcendent glow that surrounds me, the enchantment has begun. As night turns into day, the sky becomes a radiant blue and a rainbow shines with a promise of hope renewed and the doves fill the trees two by two. There is a pink and golden glow that consumes the trees and they sparkle like diamonds in the breeze. As the doves sing their beautiful songs, I know that, like the stars in the velvet sky and the rainbow too, I am an integral part of this timeless beauty that is before me now. This knowing is within me at every moment. For we are all one with all there is, now and forever. The angelic herald is calling us to remember to live a life in the Spirit, where the lives of all who live under the stars and the moon are called to live in love as one showing forth the fruit of the Spirit which is love, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness, generosity, patience and faithfulness for all, while His love lifts us high and fills us with His Grace.

The pink bubble transformed the way I related to the world. I was less concerned about the day to day hustle and bustle of surviving and concentrated more on the little things in God’s creation. In this state, I also discovered small miracles.

There were times when I could actually hear heavenly music, like a song in the wind. My heart would leap in my chest at the sound. There were days that I would spend hours just sitting in silence, listening, praying and remembering. I would find refuge in my back yard just listening to the chirping birds and feeling the wind against my skin. Similarly, I would spend hours staring at the grass and the flowers as well as watching the clouds as they floated by in a beautiful blue sky. This recollection became my daily prayer as I remembered heaven. I never wanted to forget what I felt and heard in God’s realm; I had never been bestowed a more beautiful gift. There were many times I would just start dancing because of the joy and the peace that I felt. I loved feeling all the sensations in my body. It was just like getting a sweet kiss from God every day. Before the lightning strike I spent much of my time indoors cleaning house and mothering my two teenage children. Life was always busy; we were constantly going and doing. I never took the time to sit and be in the moment with God. I spoke to Him during my prayers, but I didn’t speak with Him. Nor did I sit quiet and listen. I now recognize how much I had missed being so busy. I wanted to spend my remaining time recapturing what was really important in life. In other words, I needed to sit quietly and be still in order to hear His voice as I did when I had died. So, I made it a point each day to sit quietly and just be with God.

It was during these times God allowed me to see that Heaven was really no further away than my own back yard. Meaning, heaven is more a state of being, or vibration of soul, than a place. Every so often He would lift the veil to allow me another glimpse of heaven’s beauty. There were times when I would literally see the air change. I knew it was heaven because the air was so clean, clear, and fragrant. I would see the colors of the flowers and trees become much more vibrant. Unfortunately, these experiences only lasted for one sacred moment before the world returned back to “normal”. I felt such awe and joy despite the momentary nature of my experiences. There were many times I would shake myself wondering if all of this was real. Then I would hear heavenly music come from out of nowhere. The “song in the wind” was played for me again and so I knew that it was all true.

During my near death experience I learned that God is all about establishing a loving relationship with all of us. To my surprise, he doesn’t care what religion a person selects. The question He consistently asks is “do you want a relationship with me?” For so long I had been deprived of a deep loving relationship with God. Like many people, my life had been too busy before to pay attention to Him beyond going to church and praying. But now my entire life had changed by taking the time to listen to His whispering voice stirring my soul.

There were many times I actively sought to hear God’s whispering voice. Let me share a number of examples throughout the rest of this chapter.

One morning, I woke up early to watch the sun rise. Just as the sun was coming up over the horizon, I noticed all the neighborhood sounds seemed to fade away. Even the sound of the water from the patio fountain was muted. As I looked around confused, I started to hear a drum beat and chanting. Although, I didn’t understand the language the chanting sounded powerful in rhythm with the drum. I looked around but was surprised to find that there was no one out and about in the neighborhood. Because of the clear fidelity of the chanting, I knew that it wasn’t a car radio or television I was hearing. The voices faded back out after a few moments as the normal neighborhood sounds faded back in. Amazingly, the chanting happened several more times during that summer. I can only guess that I was hearing the echoes of Native people who lived in the area long ago. Just as time did not seem to exist during my near death experience, perhaps I was tuned into the past as part of a greater unity of a timeless experience here on earth.

I noticed strange events happen in the physical world during this time. For instance, I saw rainbows in the night sky. Logic told me this wasn’t possible, but I cannot dispute my own eyes. I had just learned that with God all things were possible. Perhaps the rainbow symbolized that there is hope even in our darkest moments.

I also witnessed unusual behavior from animals. During an unusually warm November night, I stepped onto the patio and saw the sun shining on the two oak trees in the yard next door. This struck me as odd since it had been spitting cold, damp rain all day. The trees were beautifully lit in an unearthly golden color against a bluish purple sky. Then I noticed that a pair of doves had flown into the trees next to each other. Almost immediately another pair of doves arrived, then another, and another, until both the trees were loaded with pairs of doves. As the doves sat there in the golden trees they appeared to be a light shade of pink in the sky. Then the wind gently moved the branches. As the branches moved, the entire scene sparkled like diamonds in the light. The entire sequence of events was breathtaking and magnificent.

As this sight was unfolding the entire neighborhood sounds seemed to fade away; all I could hear was the sound of hundreds of doves’ “cooing”. The cooing faded after a few minutes as the neighborhood sounds faded back in. The doves began to fly away pair by pair until all were gone. Then the light faded away too and it became very dark and very cold outside again within minutes. There was no way it was mating season. Interestingly, a pair of doves is believed to be a symbol of love and fidelity. Perhaps God was showing me that He will always be faithful in His love, even during the storms of my life when I am the most worried and afraid. Doves are such beautiful, graceful birds. I love to hear their mourning songs and to listen to the whisper of their wings as the fly. Doves have always had great symbolism to me. This was another one of those “special” moments where God moved the veil from a realm of infinite possibilities.

Jesus often used birds as an illustration of why we should not worry about what we are to eat or how we are to provide for our needs. He said, “Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” (Matthew 6:26, New International Version). Birds are such beautiful, fragile creatures, they were often held up by Jesus, as being objects of concern for the loving care of God. If God takes care of the birds, God will most certainly take care of us. When we see the birds, and how God cares for them, we know we can trust God. There is no need to worry or be afraid.
God created all things. God created us in His image. We are children of God and God takes care of His own, no matter how small or fragile they might be. We can rest secure in His faithful love knowing that He provides for us, just as He provides for the birds of the air. He most certainly will take care of us. When we see the birds, and how God cares for them, we know we can trust God. There is no need to worry or be afraid.

The Golden Threads of a Tapestry

tapestry

During my last NDE I felt Gods love for me so deeply it was so huge. It was a love like I had never experienced before. he appeared to me and spoke and we talked quite a while and as I looked into his eyes , I saw eternity . And in that moment ,I could feel his love so completely. It was as if I was the only one he had ever created. And then I realized that no matter how huge the universe is and how very tiny I am in the grand scheme of things. I am a very important part of everything he created because everything is connected , interwoven like the golden threads of a tapestry. Just as you are. His love for all of us is that same way. And what he taught me was that every single thing he created is an extension of his love. He didn’t create us to serve him , he serves us so that we can serve others with his love.
Sharon Milliman (c) 2016

What do you see ?

Godmirror1

What do you see when you look in the mirror?
God asked me this question during my NDE. It’s a good question and one I found hard to answer. My normal answer would have been something like , “nothing much” or “no one special ” but that just isn’t an acceptable answer that one gives God. Sitting there beside God in Heaven and looking into His loving eyes , I found myself having to really rethink my answer. After all He is the creator of all things, I doubt that He would have found my answer amusing. So I thought and I thought and I said to him, ” God , you made me .. You are in me .. When I look in the mirror , I see You.” God smiled and said “Yes , exactly.”
Sharon Milliman (c) 2016

The Visit

By the age of fifteen, darkness had settled over my life again like a heavy fog.  For years, my innocence lay in ruins, shattered by predatory  people that crept into my world, menacing and relentless. Darkness wrapped around me like shroud. I had kept my silence, a mute witness to the chaos that invaded my existence. Fear wrapped around me like a cloak, and shame clung to my skin, a constant reminder of the weight I carried, quietly and alone.

 

One day,  courage stirred within me, a flicker of light in the oppressive gloom. I sought out a trusted friend, an adult I believed would listen. I spoke with a trembling voice, recounting the pain that had haunted me for so long. She became angry her response cut deeper than I expected. “You must have misunderstood,” she said flatly. “There are some secrets you take to your grave.” Her words shifted the ground beneath me. I knew the truth of what was happening, yet her words sowed seeds of doubt in my mind. I was left shattered, frightened, and questioning the very fabric of my reality. The desire for escape whispered to me like a distant siren, and I wanted to die. I didn’t know how it would happen but I knew it was going to and even that secret remained locked away, a heavy burden I bore alone, unseen by the world.

 

In the quiet of my heart, I wrestled with the shadows that haunted me. I tried to navigate the darkness, though it threatened to consume me. I held my pain close, a silent companion in a world that refused to acknowledge it. And in that silence, I found a strength I did not know I possessed, a flicker of resolve that would guide me through the storm.

 

It was Good Friday, our youth choir was invited to sing at a nearby church. We arrived early to rehearse, waiting in the basement, the air thick with anticipation.

 

Then, he walked in. A man unlike any I had ever seen. I felt pure holiness around him. At first, I thought he might be an apostle or perhaps an angel. But as he drew closer, I knew—it was Jesus. He was tall, slender but muscular, with long, dark wavy hair that fell down his back. His dark olive skin and deep brown eyes shone with life. When he smiled, a dimple appeared, and my heart melted.

His clothes surprised me. Jeans, a white shirt, and boots. No robes. It felt right. He exuded pure love, humility and kindness, just as I imagined he would.

“Where do I go to sit?” he asked, looking at me. He wanted to know where to place himself for the service. He settled in the chair beside me, still smiling. I was overwhelmed, speechless, dry-mouthed, astonished that Jesus chose to sit next to me.

 

Two women in front of me turned to guide him to a seat in the main church. Others noticed him too. But Jesus kept his gaze on me. “What is happening to you in your life, is happening,” he said, voice warm. “You are not crazy. I love you. I am with you, You are not alone. Don’t be afraid.”

 

He stood then, gently touching the elbow of the woman sitting in front of me who had suffered terribly for many years from arthritis. With his gentle touch, she was healed. The five of us, the four other women and I, still talk about that day. None of the other choir members saw him as he walked upstairs to the main church.

 

Jesus took a seat before a magnificent stained glass window. As we sang “Up to Jerusalem,” I saw the sunlight streaming through the window, illuminating him. I saw him cover his face with his hands and weep. At that moment, I was lost in him, singing with all my heart, oblivious to everyone else.

 

After that encounter, thoughts of ending my life faded. His gentle love healed me. He understood my struggles and affirmed their reality. He gave me the courage to endure.

 

The experience transformed everything. It was as if a light pierced the darkness I had felt for so long. His warmth wrapped around me, offering the safety I needed. I realized I was not alone; someone truly knew and understood my pain.

After that encounter, thoughts of ending my life faded. His love healed me, and I felt understood. I began to share my secret, carefully, piecing together the truth. Vulnerability opened deep wounds but also connected me with others who bore similar burdens.

Music became my refuge. Each note I sang echoed that moment in the church, light streaming through stained glass, illuminating Jesus. Healing is not a straight path; it ebbs and flows. But the memory of his warmth guides me.

Looking back, meeting Jesus was not just a moment; it marked the beginning of a transformation. I learned love’s power, the strength in vulnerability. I emerged no longer lost but renewed, ready to embrace life fully—both the joys and shadows that lay ahead.

 

 

Like the Butterfly

Light11
Like the butterfly cannot see the beauty of its own wings, sometimes we do not see the beauty of our own light that shines so brightly and touches so many other lives without us even being aware.
The fact that God places you here and now makes you a person of great worth. God loves you as if you were the only one He ever created.

He made all of this for you.

Now you be God’s light. He made you. He is in you. So, when you look in the mirror, you see Him.

You be His light that shines in the world for others to see. You be His hands and His feet and His voice in the world.

Where there is light, darkness cannot be.

Sharon Milliman (c) 2016