Suffering

What causes Suffering ? Why does God, who loves us cause suffering, illness and pain? If God doesn’t cause it , Why does He allow it to happen? Is there a purpose for it? If so, what is the purpose?

I get asked these questions quite frequently and where I am not an authority on the mind of God, I will try to explain as best I can. Having said that, I can hi only answer them based on my own experiences. To be honest and from my experiences, I don’t think there is any ONE particular answer that can adequately address all of these questions. From my experiences, I have learned that God is Perfect Love. Because God is Perfect Love, He loves all of us perfectly and completely. His love is never ending. It is all inclusive and it’s eternal. Perfect Love could not, nor does possess any kind evil or any form of evil intent.

We know that God is Love and His essence is Spirit, therefore , He is formless, He is genderless,until He chooses to take form and gender. He is God, He can do whatever He chooses.

I call God a “He”because that is how He chose to present Himself to me during my second nde. He appeared to me as a kind, gentle, loving man. He appeared to me as someone I could relate to because He had a message to give me. He knows my heart, so He knew exactly how to appear and what to say. Because He loves so perfectly, He desires a loving relationship with each one of us, individually. Because we are all so unique and individual, God will come to each of us differently. He comes in ways that each of us can understand. He is one who has many names, based on our traditions and belief systems. But there is only One God, One Creator of all that is, all that was and all that ever will be.

Now, to address the questions…

We are spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. It is within the human experience that our soul does the most growing. Unfortunately, suffering is part of being in the human condition. It is an inevitable part of our human existence but we can be rest assured that God does not cause human suffering however, He may allow it. We can also be assured that He will not allow anything to happen without there being a purpose. What is important and what really matters in the end is, what did we do with our pain and suffering, how do we handle it? Do we become bitter and hopeless or do we become stronger through it? Does our faith and trust in God become stronger or do we turn against Him, cursing and blame Him?

God gave us all the gift of free will. Everyone is given this gift and there are no strings attached. Sometimes, suffering happens when one person, out of selfishness or greed, makes the choice to overstep their bounds of free will thereby taking away or infringing upon another person’s free will. God could fix our suffering with a blink of His eye but He’s not likely to do that because if He did, He would be taking away the gift He freely gives. It is up to us to help those who are suffering because we are His hands, His feet and His voice in this world.

Suffering is often a great teacher. Through suffering, we learn about the hidden parts of ourselves that need to be refined. It also teaches us that when we fall, as we all do, it is through His Love and Grace that we find the inner strength to pick ourselves back up, wipe off the dust and keep moving through it. It’s like being the parent of a child who is just learning how to walk. As a parent, we don’t want to see our child struggle. It’s painful to see our child take a step and fall, again and again, over and over. But that child will never find the strength to walk unless we step back and allow the child to fall. When our child hurts, we hurt. It’s the same with God. He feels our pain. He understands it and He is with us through it.

The question is, when we are suffering, or when we see those we love suffering, do we grow from the experience or do we crumble and become angry, bitter victims of what life presents as tests?

I have learned over the years that I am a survivor, not a victim. I have learned through my own experiences, not to become stuck in my own suffering and misery. I have learned that strength and healing come when I reach outside of myself becoming become more compassionate and more attentive to the needs of others in their suffering.

During my second nde, after my life review, I heard a voice that I knew was God. He said, “ What you put out into the universe will come back to you.”

I had never heard words like that before. I didn’t know what He meant. Then I began experiencing what felt like being hooked up to “a giant IV bottle of knowledge. I was being infused by Divine knowledge. I was given answers to questions before I could even ask the question. I was having one “aha” moment after another. During this time I was given an explanation of the words God had spoken.

Your actions, your words and your thoughts go out into the universe. They spin, gain momentum, get bigger and will eventually come back to you. It’s like throwing a boomerang. You won’t know how these things will present themselves or when they will. But eventually, they will. It’s not a punishment, it’s a natural law, a law of the universe, a God made law. If you put out love, compassion, truth, honesty, those will come back. If you put out hate, selfishness, stealing, lies, those too will come back to you. Some people call this karma. I call it, the boomerang effect. That’s where suffering comes in, this is where free will comes in. We have the ability to make choices. With every choice, comes responsibly and there will be consequences. You reap what you sow. Good choices reap good consequences, bad choices reap bad consequences.

We in this human experience tend to label everything as good or bad, black or white, hot or cold etc. We label everything. But, on the other side, what we experience is just that, it’s an experience. It is neither good or bad. What is important is, what we have learned through the experience ?

When something happens that we label as bad and we suffer from whatever the experience is, we tend to believe that we are being punished, and that it’s God’s fault, or that He is out to get us at every bend in the road, that He is causing our suffering. That is not the God I met. He is not punishing us. He is not causing us to suffer. We do a good enough job of that on our own. God is our loving Father and like a loving father will do, He teaches us. I’m sure most of us remember either our parents or grandparents telling us when we were little, “ don’t touch the hot stove because you will get burned.” We heard what they said, but we didn’t listen and the minute their back was turned, what did we do? We touched the hot stove and got burned. They didn’t cause us to get hurt, we did it, but we learned. For most of us, it only took once for us to learn that having a burn is not a pleasant experience.

That is the same way God has been teaching us, His children since the beginning of time. He will tell us, He will warn us over and over but we don’t learn. We hear His words but we don’t listen. He won’t punish us but He may lift His hand of protection, telling us one last time, “don’t touch the hot stove because you will get burned.” And what has humankind done throughout all of history? We hear His words, but we don’t listen and the minute He looks the other way, we touch the hot stove and get burned.

Like all children, we will learn through our experiences whether we see these experiences as good or bad, black or white, hot or cold. Unfortunately, some of us can be stubborn and may think we know better than God, or we try to cheat the system, so sometimes our lessons may have to be repeated over and over, in different ways until we get it. God is not punishing us. God does not cause our suffering but sometimes He may allow it so that we do learn and grow. And sometimes He allows us to suffer so that others may learn from our suffering.

Sometimes, suffering comes because of other people’s choices, their free will. We are all connected. I may suffer because of a choice someone in my family has made or a choice that a neighbor has made. Someone else may suffer because of a choice I may have made, even if my choice was made 20 or 30 years ago.

Because we are all connected,whatever we put out, good or bad, not only affects us but affects others. Whatever we put out will come back, one way or another. So, I have learned through my experience to be very mindful of what I put out because I really don’t want to be hit in the head with a boomerang.

I learned that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s selfishness and hatred is born out of selfishness. We have the choice to cause suffering for ourselves and others by what we put out. If we put out or make selfish choices, we cause suffering for ourselves and others. If we put out love and we make loving choices those too will affect ourselves and others.

It’s our choice and so are the consequences of those choices/ free will.

Everyone suffers loss and pain whether it is through the heartbreak of a divorce, the betrayal of a friend, the death of a loved one or their own debilitating illness.

And, because we don’t always see the bigger picture, especially when we are deep in the midst of our own suffering and we are facing hard times in our lives,we can become bitter and feel that God has abandoned us.

Sometimes we ask “Why did God, who loves us allow illness, pain and suffering?”

The truth is, God did not cause our illness,pain and suffering. We live in human bodies in a fallen world. Our human body, although perfectly made and very complex,is still fragile. The human body will not last forever, no one’s will. The part of you that makes you who you are; your soul, your spirit, will last forever but the body that houses that special part of you will fail, it’s just a matter of how and when.

So, sometimes our human bodies get sick, they fail. God does not make this happen but sometimes He allows it to happen. Even though He may have allowed it, God understands what we are going through. He feels our pain and suffering right along with us. He never leaves us , we are never facing the trials alone. As I said before, we don’t always see the bigger picture but God does see the bigger picture. He has it, all of it, no matter what it is!! He is already at the end of it. If we allow Him, He will take our illnesses, our hurts, our suffering , our dissolution- ment and turn it into something good, where a hidden jewel can be found. And, it is in our worst of times that God reveals His love and grace to us as we learn to depend upon Him for our comfort and hope in life.

Several years ago, I had a serious accident where I suffered a traumatic brain injury. It took 8 years to heal. I suffered severe post traumatic migraine syndrome, grand-mal seizures, cognitive impairment and at one point, there was a misfiring in my brain,causing me to loose the feeling and strength in my legs. I spent 6-8 months in a wheelchair. After all those months, I decided that I had had enough. I wasn’t going to accept not walking again. I had to teach myself to walk again. Which I did. I had to teach myself how to take a shower, how to dress myself. I couldn’t remember how to do anything. But I didn’t give up. I did heal. It was slow and painful but with God’s help, I succeeded. Then, shortly after that accident, I had another accident happen where I was struck by lightning not only once, but four times. After the fourth lightning strike, I died which caused my second NDE. The recovery process from that was very hard too. I now have a Right Bundle Branch Block in my heart. I still have seizures, I still have severe post traumatic migraine syndrome. I still loose my words and some people think I’m not as smart as the average person. I was mocked, made fun of and some of the people who should have cared, didn’t care at all. After all of this, there were times when I was so tired of hurting, that I lost hope. I asked, “ where was God in all of this? Why did He let this happen?”

There were other times, when I felt God’s gentle hands holding me up which gave me the strength to fight.

God did not make it happen, He allowed it to happen. For many years I had no idea why He allowed it to happen. I asked Him,”Why me? Why this?” It took a while but I finally trusted that He did know why and that He would make something beautiful out of all my suffering. God always comes through if we allow Him.

Several years later, my Mom got sick with Alzheimer’s. I moved into my parent’s home. I spent the next six and a half years helping my Dad care for her until she passed.

At first it was very hard, I didn’t understand how this horrible disease worked. Once I saw first hand how the disease manifested itself, I did a lot of study on the disease and what I could do to help her have a better quality of life.

During my study, God led me to the information that not only helped me to help my Mom but He answered my questions from years previously, “Why Me?” Why This?”

The information God led me to

said, “Alzheimer’s is like a traumatic brain injury.” It was as if those words had jumped off the page and into my heart. And in that moment, I understood “ Why me? Why this?” I understood why I had gone through all that I had. God helped me to remember how it felt not to remember, He helped me to remember the confusion I felt when I lost my words and couldn’t speak correctly or understand what other’s were saying. He helped me to remember how it felt when my legs did not work. He helped me to remember the fear I felt when I got lost just walking in my own backyard. All of these things, my Mom was facing because of her illness. God didn’t make her sick. It just happened, human bodies fail. But what He did do, was allow me to experience to a great degree what someone I loved was now experiencing. Because of my experiences, I was able to help her understand and to ease her fear and her suffering. Because I had been there at one time, I was able to help others understand what she was experiencing. My suffering helped me to be more loving, more gentle and more compassionate in caring for my Mom. God did not make my accident happen. He allowed it so that He could use me to help someone I loved so dearly.

God has His reasons for why things happen, we don’t always know why, but He does know.

In closing, I’ll leave you with this, I know with all my heart that no matter what happens in our lives, don’t let go of God’s hand because I guarantee that if we just trust Him, He will always take a bad situation and turn it into something beautiful.

Words

To all of my family and to my friends who love and support me , I am truly honored and blessed by the beautiful gift of YOU. Thank you for being in my life. I love you all and I am grateful beyond words for YOU. This writing is not directed towards any of you at all but is directed towards others ( they know who they are) and after days of prayer and contemplation, I feel I am being led to speak out about what is in my heart.

Once again, I find it very disheartening to be at the receiving end of some people’s negative,angry, self righteous words being wielded at me like a razor sharp sword. When I read some of the comments that are posted on some of the YouTube videos made from some of the interviews I have done, where I have shared about my experiences, I am completely astounded. I have no words to accurately describe the pain I feel by the accusations and presumptions coming from people who do not even know me. I am appalled by the venom I see coming from adults who claim to be followers of Christ and yet, they prove by their actions and words that they are anything but what they claim to be.

These kinds of comments are not just on my videos but I see similar comments on other’s videos as well.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can speak for myself. What I will say is that every word I have spoken is the truth. I am not a fraud, I am not a liar. I am not demon possessed. I am not a heretic. I am not a blasphemer. I am not a theologian, my books are not theological documents, they are books about what God did in MY life. They may be my experiences but it’s God’s story and everything I do is all for His Glory!

I do not, and have never claimed to know the mind of God. I have never claimed to be an authority on God. The only authority on God, is God. All I know is what He chose to show me and tell me during my Near Death experiences and what I have been willing to learn from those experiences. I have a willingness and an openness to do God’s will by sharing my experiences in order to give hope to those in need. I do this out of love, not out of any kind of authority.
When giving an interview, or giving a talk on my experiences, I tell exactly what God did in MY life. God is God. He is capable of doing anything He chooses. If He can work miracles in my life, He is quite capable of doing the same in other’s lives as well. He comes to us all in very unique and individual ways because we are all very unique and individual people, with very unique and individual hearts. God is the reader of hearts and the healer of hearts. That is what He does best. The way He presents Himself and the way He speaks to me is going to be very different than the way He may present Himself or the way He speaks to someone else. But, both are very real and valid.

As for the comments about my tears, Yes! I do cry sometimes during certain interviews because there are times when I cannot contain the absolute love of God, the overwhelming sense of joy and the awe that I feel because of the profound miracles that I have experienced in my life. Tears are not a bad thing. Tears are simply words the soul cannot speak.

As for the comments made about my NDEs and the Bible, NO , you probably will not find a way to back up all of the experiences I have had by looking for them in the Bible, but that does not mean that I was “speaking with demons” or that as some have said , “I need to be delivered.”

Yes, God speaks to us through the words in the Bible, but that is not the only way He can speak to us. He is God for heaven’s sake. He is too big to fit into the tiny little boxes people try to put Him in. He is limitless!!! He can do anything He pleases If you look,there are many places in the Bible that talk about people having angelic visitations, people having dreams , visions , seeing spirits etc. But, one needs to truly understand in what context the words were written and how can they be applied to our lives today. The Bible should never be used as a destructive weapon against another person.
If one chooses to put God in a box, then so be it, have at it. I however, through my experiences, have learned that God cannot, nor will He ever be contained inside a tiny little box.

God is so big He can cover the whole world with His love and at the same time, He can be so small that He can curl up inside your heart. If one lets Him, He will do just that.

I will also say that unless one has walked a mile in my shoes, unless one has seen the world and the Glory of God through my eyes, unless one has crawled into the deepest chambers of my heart, it is impossible for anyone to pass any kind of accurate judgment upon me.

There were remarks made about the tears that came when I spoke about my own mother. Yes, my mother passed away five years ago. I know she is in Heaven, she is not suffering anymore. But, When we love deeply, we also mourn deeply. I still love her and I miss her in my life. Even Jesus Himself mourned the death of His friend Lazarus, He wept and mourned over Jerusalem. Mourning is very normal and natural thing to experience when someone you love passes. It’s part of being human. Even as a multiple NDER, I am still human. I know where my loved ones are and have had a beautiful glimpse of what they are experiencing and yet, I am here and they are there. Please,Don’t tell me how I am supposed to feel. I am allowed to feel. I am allowed to mourn for as long as I need to without judgment from others.

And please stop saying that I write books and do interviews or give talks to make money. I do not monetize anything ! So, No, I do not make money, in fact, I spend money to do these things. The truth is, it has never been about me, it has always been about God and what He can do in a human heart.

As NDERS we are not all knowing gurus, we are not exempt from the trials and suffering of this world. We still face hardships, loss,physical illness and we hurt when others are cruel. But, It’s what we do with it all that matters in the end. I said “ yes” to God , that is why I share what I do. I was also taught as a child, if you can’t say something kind, don’t say anything at all. Words have the power to make a soul or break one. So I ask these people, and they know who they are, before you speak or leave mean, hurtful, judgmental comments on me or anyone else, ask yourself “what would Jesus, or God, do?”

Love is the Answer

After my Near Death Experience, I found it very hard to live I this world. I didn’t know how to integrate having been in Heaven and sitting in the presence of God and then being sent back. I found the world to be cruel and harsh, at least my world was. So, I spent a lot of time in prayer. This story is about one of those days.
It was a warm sunny spring day I had taken the dogs outside and was sitting out in the back yard just enjoying the soft spring breeze against my skin. It was another one of those days when God moved his hand and pushed the veil aside and for just a few moments I could once again have a glimpse of Heaven. Not only that, Jesus had come to visit me. He was smiling that beautiful smile He has. He was standing by the fence, over by the flower garden, and the sun shone down on him as He began to speak to me. He held in his hand a fully open, soft pink rose. He held it out to me as he said these words “This life is a journey that all must take. Yes, you are hearing me now. You are seeing me now. Please don’t question yourself so much. These messages that you are being given are true and valid. You have the answers, and you do know the truth. The answers have always been inside your heart.
Stand at your gate and take the rose, my precious Dove. It’s time for you to fly. Today is a new and wondrous beginning. You were like a caterpillar all wrapped up tight inside a cocoon but you are now emerging out as a beautiful butterfly. I love you and will always love you. You will never walk alone. I walk right there beside you. So hold your head up high and always spread your joy and love. Listen, quiet your heart and be at peace for I am always with you. If you don’t hear me talking, it’s because you are not listening. You have the courage and the strength to do all that your heart desires and All that My Father has called you to do. It has been shouted from the highest mountains and heard in the lowest valleys. Its whisper has been heard throughout all human experience. So you must trust that it is true. Trust and believe, with all of your being that LOVE is the answer. It is Agape Love, Pure, unconditional love that is the answer. Believe in and expect miracles, for they will happen. When you quiet your mind and spirit, answers will come. My Father knows you. He knows that when you go into nature you will find rest. Nature is where you will become one with all that is, all that was, and all that will ever be. Know that in this place you will find your greatest peace and joy. You will never walk alone. Not ever, and all those who went before you, are all around you loving you and supporting you in your walk on this earthly plane. Open your heart and don’t be afraid. Just cast all your fears aside and accept your new life. Just be at peace. Remember this; I am in you and all around you. Turn wood and you will find me. Lift a stone, I am there. Like the sun warms your skin, I will touch you, and as the rain washes you, I will also. Without you, I am nothing. With you, I am eternity.”